Written by Biko Skalla:
Nobody wants to play the Bananas anymore. I mean it’s just not fun getting beat over and over and over again. Tonight’s victims were the Florence RedWolves, who were toppled 7-3 to make it 7 straight wins for the Nanners to bring their record to a modest 24-3 on the summer.
The RedWolves’ first mistake, like their partners in Macon on July 4th, was letting Jesse, Jokes On You That I Didn’t Square Around on Any of the First Three Pitches of the At-Bat Just to Lay a Perfect Little Booger Down the Line on Pitch Number Four, Sherrill, get on base, as he put a beautiful bunt down the 3rd base line for a single to open up the game. Zane, You Can Call My Bat the Nanner Hammer or the Bama’ Hamma’, It Makes No Difference to Me Because I’m Simply Stroking it Right Now, Denton, lined a single up the middle. Jesse dug for 3rd because, well Green Light Special obviously, and the throw from center was a straight “Sail” by Awolnation, allowing Zane to take 2nd base as the ball bounced off the cement wall next to the Bananas dugout on the fly (lotta air under that bad bear). Livan, Just Because I’m Tattooing Balls Nightly Doesn’t Mean I Can’t Take a Little Off a Puppy and do a Job, Reinoso, bounced a grounder to 2nd, bringing home Jesse and moving Zane over to 3rd. That set up Tristan, Yea Sac Flies Are Cool But Also I Mashed This Ball and Deserved Two Bags at Least, Peters, who absolutely stung a ball to left-center but got robbed of extra bases on a full-extension catch by Brody, I’m About to Make Four Top 10 Plays in This Losing Effort Tonight so at Least I Can Hang My Hat on That, Hopkins, as Zane trotted home to make it 2-0.
Tyler, I Basically Just Coach Third Base and Reggie Does the Rest, Gillum, and Corey, I’m Not Sure What I do Around Here Anymore Now That Zack Runs the Pitching Staff, Pye, tabbed Nathan, I’m Not Mad at Biko I’m Just Disappointed That My Mom Doesn’t Get to See a Picture of Me With Paula Deen, Dettmer, to start. Nathan stranded a man on 3rd in the 1st inning, and then did it again in the 2nd inning when Carson, I Can’t Believe I Just Achieved My Dream of Playing in the College World Series Just to Get Eliminated by the NCAA One Game Away From the Final, Falsken, started a 4-6-3 double play to get Dettmer out of the jam. Nathan would just give up 1 run on 4 hits while striking out 4 RedWolves in 5 innings of work, skyrocketing his ERA all the way up to 0.78 as he has now given up an unacceptable 2 earned runs in 23 innings on the mound. Also, I guess it’s worth mentioning that he leads all qualified CPL pitchers with said ERA, and he’s 6-0 while nobody else in the league even has 5 wins.
“Andrew, Tom, and I went to the beach last night,” Dettmer said, “and we watched the stars, had a meditation sesh, and vibed after Paula Deen’s house. Just got me in the right mindset for the start.”
While Dettmer was munching on the bump, the boys scored 2 more in the top of the 3rd on a Peters RBI double to bring home Zane and then a bases loaded hit-by-pitch by first day Banana Carson Falsken pushing home Livan. Andrew, I Was Literally Going to Go Home for a Few Days but I Decided to Stay in Savannah to Meet Paula Deen but Then That Turned Out to Just Be a Prank and Biko Really Feels Bad About That and Definitely Would Have Told Me to Just Go Home if He Knew I Was Missing Out on a Family Visit Just to be Pranked by Him, Especially When the Prank was Really Just Meant for Cole Kitchen and I Was Collateral Damage Because Cole Sucked Me Into it by Telling Me Biko Lived with Paula Deen When Biko Only Said Yes to Cole About Living With Paula Dean in the First Place Because He Thought Someone Else Was Pranking Cole by Telling Him That and Biko Didn’t Want to Ruin Their Little Practical Joke but it Turned Out That Joe Miller Was the One Who Told Cole and it Wasn’t a Trick at All, Joe’s Mom Had Told Joe That She Thought She Had Heard Biko Lived With Paula Dean on a Broadcast but then After the Broadcast on Saturday She Told Joe That She Thought it Wasn’t Actually Paula Deen but Joe Was so Excited and Thought Biko Would Never Lie to Him That He Was Blinded From the Truth and the Whole Thing Just Spun Out of Control While Biko was Searching for the Mastermind Behind the Farce and it Turned Out All Along it was Just Joe’s Mom Not Trying to Trick Anyone and Biko Turned Into the Maniacal Mastermind He Was Searching for the Whole Time Which Ended Up Being a Bigger Twist to Biko Than the First Time He Watched The Usual Suspects and all of a Sudden He Had All These Boys Coming Over to Meet Paula Deen and Nobody Was Running the Show Behind the Curtain it Was All Orchestrated by Himself in a Wild Twisted Way and by Far the Worst Part of it All Was That Andrew Didn’t go Home to See His Family Because of All This, Armstrong, came in and scattered 3 hits and a walk over 1.2 scoreless frames. Andrew also had help from Nolan, It May Look Like I Have Eye Liner On But My Blinkers Just Really Pop, Daniel, who came in for the final out of the 7th inning, stranding two of Armstrong’s men on base.
The Nanners were hard at work again in the offensively in the 7th too, as Livan brought home Jesse with a booming double to dead-center and then Ty, I Should Really be 1-3 with 2 RBI’s Tonight Because Tristan Wasn’t Tagged at Home Plate on my Fly Ball to Center But He Was Called Out by the Umpire so it’s Just a Regular Ole’ Flyout to Center with no RBI for Me Instead of a Sac Fly, Jackson, beat out a soft ground ball to 3rd base for an infield single driving in Livan to make it 6-1. Jesse walked and then scampered around the bases on 2 wild pitches to make it 7-1 in the 8th. Florence scored a couple runs on 2 walks and 2 hits in the bottom of the 8th but then had to face Dylan, Formerly Known as DC From UAB, Now Known as The Big Lefty From the Big Easy, Cunningham, who gave up a couple 2-out hits but then struck out Brody, My Four Top 10 Worthy Plays Were All in the Field as You Can See, Hopkins, to end the game and leave the tying run in the on-deck circle. Bananas win 7-3.
It’s honestly old hat by now as it’s just plug in some offensive studs for the evening, whoever pitches throw fantastic, and the Bananas score more than their opponents. For example, tonight Jesse was 1-3 with 2 walks and 3 runs scored while Livan was 2-5 with a double, 2 RBI’s and 2 runs scored, and you know what the guys hurling the ball did (they munched). My girlfriend keeps asking me if it’s boring that the Bananas keep on winning and I have to be honest here… No not one bit! It’s incredibly exciting for me each and every evening to see the guys step up once again, on both sides of the ball, and simply continue to play far better baseball than anyone they play. What an incredible team this is.
Okay I’ll stop the love fest and send this puppy to all the major news outlets around the nation. The Bananas have an off day on Wednesday and then take on the Bacon at home on Thursday. Pregame will be at 6:30 with first pitch at 7:00. It will be amazing to have the whole kit and caboodle for the broadcast in Grayson, and I can’t wait to see if these boys can keep on dominating!